


Carmen XVI

by Nagat



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Consent Issues, Control Issues, F/M, Force Choking, I suppose, I think we can call this Double Penetration, It is Melanie Klein actually, M/M, Past Child Abuse, Power Dynamics, Power Struggle, Spot Freud: The Game, Telepathic Bond, Telepathic Voyeurism, That may be a pun, Voyeurism, issues in general, telepathic threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-16 17:51:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13059084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nagat/pseuds/Nagat
Summary: He was drawn to Kylo’s raw force the same way she was. Clinging to him as desperately as if he was sunlight on a forever frozen planet. Somehow they seemed to belong together, Hux’s small angry red frame enhancing the muscles on Kylo’s own white skin.She found herself wishing she could see them in gentler act. In something which would remind her more of lovemaking and less of deathmatch. If this were a fight she would find it unfair and take the general’s side. Yet, she was fascinated.Once upon time, on one lonely night, Rey digs into Kylo Ren’s brain. She doesn't find his MCR song collection as she expects, she finds him boning Armitage Hux. A power struggle ensues. If you think this ends nicely, you haven't been paying attention.Or "General Hux get's his ass and head screwed" the Star Wars story.This is just a 7,500 words long Catullus joke.Set after SW:TLJ.





	Carmen XVI

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tobinka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tobinka/gifts).



> I dedicate this fanfic to Tobinka because she keeps sending me nice pictures of my hot step-step-step-step-cousin.  
> Praise goes to all people who helped me to finish this abomination, this prodigal son of mine, which should have been aborted before it had two sentences.  
> Merry Christmas, you animals.
> 
> Please mind warnings, this is not a fluffy story. But don't worry, this is not a manipulated child getting raped but a grown up nazi pussy, pretty much responsible for everything, choking on his own medicine.

She was afraid it would happen. Maybe it happened because she was afraid, she couldn’t really tell.

Rey staggered into her room and practically fell onto the bed to find some relief. It wasn't really a bed, there was no frame and the mattress was so thin it probably didn't meet the requirements for being a mattress, but the only time in her life she slept in a real bed was at the Millenium Falcon anyway, so she accepted the comfort of the layer without complaining.  
She was completely drained of all energy, exhausted as never before, and her head felt like it was filled with sharp metal shreds. It wasn’t like this was a particularly hard training day, all her training days were hard, but then she got called to an urgent  Resistance meeting and by the Force, she loved Poe, fierce and passionate man he was, but he never shut up. Ever.  
The meetings would always take hours, but if Dameron didn’t like something, the civilized conversation usually spiraled into ages of pure suffering and the confusion of everyone involved. She had to admire herself for not raging out like a Rancor in heat and blasting the heads of all the bipeds in a radius of two megalights.

She had no idea what time it was, except that it was too damn late and she was hungry and knew she should eat, but doubted her body would be able to handle anything except water now. She felt feverish and weak, that’s why she was afraid. Blocking Kylo’s mind was difficult enough when she was going through her daily routine, and it seemed near impossible in her current state.  
Maybe if she didn't think about it, he wouldn't be able to reach her. There wasn’t the pressure that she sometimes felt - the most blatant warning to shield her mind as soon as possible. It was more like the first times, when she suddenly felt his presence.

She didn’t bother opening her eyes.

“Stop reaching for me!”

“Ah.” he sounded surprised.

“I swear I didn't want to call you right now.”

Oh, R'iia's shorts.  
He was naked again. _Too naked.  
_ Rey couldn't see anything except him just yet, but even that was enough for her to realize she interrupted a very delicate situation. She didn’t particularly care if he was with someone or his pleasure was of the solitary nature, but Stars, he could use some basic decency.

“PLEASE cover yourself!”

The bastard was amused.  
“All this time you refuse to speak to me, and then you reach me- now of all times.”

“I’ve no desire to speak to you! It just- It happened!”

“I have to admit I was in a weaker state of mind, but I really didn't want to bring you into this.”

He still didn't make any move to cover his obscene nudity.

“Maybe we both brought our guards down at the same time.”

She decided not to draw any conclusions from that. He could be right for all she knew, she couldn’t think clearly. She tried to maintain as much distance as she could, but focusing on his thoughts instead of the visual proved to be even worse.  
A strong flow of sensations overwhelmed her. Specifically physical ones.

She’s already seen Kylo in inappropriate situations, but this was something else.

“I sha- I should go. Please block me out.” She wanted to just shut her mind like it was a door but she was too weak to do it herself.  
She wasn’t a stranger to sex. She grew up in Jakku slums, the shithole of the galaxy. She knew that  sometimes sex was the only thing you had. Sex and your name. The only reminder of your individuality in times of poverty, famine and disease, when everything was lost.

“Does this disgust you?”

“No, I just- I’ve never- I have- It makes sense, you are an adult man, right?”

She understood. He was only a man. Now, when he stopped wearing that mask, it was painfully obvious.  
It was natural. Since she was a child she has seen various life forms in squalid districts, connected in the desperate need for acknowledgement. She respected it, but she never understood the appeal of it. She was a fighter, clinging to someone else in this manner seemed too similar to giving up.

“Can you see him?”

“Him?”  
Later, she couldn't figure out why it hadn’t surprised her more. Somehow, that too made sense.

“I take that as a no.”

“I’m trying not to.”

“You never said if you can see my surroundings.”

“Usually I don’t. Sometimes, I think I can hear them. But it's not comprehensible.”

“Our bond is getting stronger, whether you want it or not.”

He was still angry with her, she felt it. But he was mostly sad. There was so much sadness in him. And loneliness. How could she despise him after she’s seen the sorrow he was feeling. Sometimes she had to remind herself she doesn’t feel enough for him to cry, or else she would never stop.  
It was hard to be unforgiving.

“We were connected by Snoke.”

“We are the last ones. The Force wants it this way.”

“I don’t care what the Force wants. I’m doing what is right.”

“Then why are you still talking to me? It is us and them, Rey. You know it. Isn’t that why you want to help me?”

She didn’t want to think about it.

“I should go.”

“Please, don’t.”

“You have your company.”

“He doesn’t understand. He can't. Not like you do.”

It felt good to hear him say that. Too good.  She knew what the implication was. ‘I can have anyone, but it’s you who matters.’  
It was very disrespectful to the other man, considering he was still probably lying under Kylo and could hear him talking.  
Something in her wanted to pretend she cared.

“Who is he?”

She shouldn’t have asked that.

“He? No one important.”

“Is it the ginger? The ginger general?”

“That would be a great story to tell the Resistance.”

She almost smiled at that. She didn’t know if it was because she genuinely found it funny or if it was purely because it amused him. Is was getting hard to distinguish between his emotions and her own.  
She should have ended this.  
“He’s a poor substitute for your companionship.” His voice was certain and honest.

“Ben-”

Then there was a different voice.

“Don’t talk to that- scum.”

Flash. Anger. She didn't see the second man but she saw the movement of Kylo’s body. She hoped the thing which was being slammed to the ground wasn't a head and that the blow wasn't that strong, because otherwise Kylo could be sitting on a corpse right now.

“Ben!”

“Have you heard him?”

This was a mistake. She had no intention to interfere with this.  
She reached for the ginger man, examining him. It was very hard with the distance, even though she was technically in the room already. She couldn’t really grab his mind.

“Tell me.”

“He feels mostly anger.”

“What else?”

“Sometimes there is fear.”

Even if she was biased, the clarity of disinterest in his voice sufficient to itself.

“You hurt him.”

“Yes.”

“You like it. I can feel it.”

“That’s what I do.” He sounded reconciled, as always. She couldn’t approve that.

“It’s not right.”

“Do you think so? He likes it too.”

“How?” The idea was so alien to her.

“Would you like me to describe it to you?” He was mocking her, she knew it.

“No. That’s not what I meant. You are disgusting.”

“It’s not- the way you think.”

There were emotions flowing through Kylo’s mind. Desire. Satisfaction from the mutual pleasure.  
She didn’t want to feel this, not even its relatively gentle echo. He wanted to explain it to her, but she didn't want to know. It was wrong to find pleasure in someone else's pain.

“Stop this.”

There was barely any sexuality in their previous encounters and it should stay like that. It wasn’t like she didn’t consider the option before;  he was a strong man with gentle eyes. Force knows, the universe needs more men like that. She had to admit that she liked touching him. It felt right. But their connection was something much more than mere physical attraction.  
At least on her part.

Did he want-

“No, I would never- Never you, Rey.”

“You did something like this to me before. When he met.”

“I would never do that again.”

It felt true. If his eyes wouldn’t betray him, his emotions surely would. And he had the most expressive eyes she had ever seen.

“You don’t believe me.” Desperation.

She wanted to. She didn’t feel any dishonesty but she couldn’t take a risk with him. Not anymore.

“I’m not interested in switching places with that poor man. It disgusts me.”

She remembered how it was like to be at someone else’s mercy. The idea left her lungs empty.  
He was quiet for a moment. She didn’t know if he was searching her thoughts - she wasn’t able to tell when he wasn’t doing it forcibly. It seemed to her that he was able to read her without entering her mind. Maybe she too was radiating her uncertainties for the whole galaxy to hear, same way he did.  
When he spoke, his voice was quiet.  

“It would be so different with you. Could be.”

“Ben-”

Every time he looked at her like that, she couldn’t believe this man could be the darkness materialized. She didn’t doubt he was guilty of the death of so many people, but can a child see why they shouldn’t hurt others if no one ever showed them better? It filled her with sorrow, the damned compassion.

“I can show you if you let me.”

She couldn’t refuse him that.

He didn’t project images into her mind. He opened his, presenting his thoughts to her, completely exposed and vulnerable. Such trust shook her to the bone.

“I have never-”

“Me neither. Not of my own will.”

_I have nothing to hide from you._

His mind was quieter than hers, but also less stable. Full of despair. She felt his rough power coming through the bond, now open to her. Unpolished and untamed, trying desperately to reach her to find something to hold on, to find order.  
In his thoughts he was holding her hand. On his knees. Touching her gently with his fingertips, a gesture which was almost shy.  
The fact this man was able to show such tenderness to her was a miracle in on itself. It somehow made her every effort to redeem him seem worthwhile.  
The Force around them sang in pleasure and harmony. Then it shifted into sharper and deeper tunes she found hard to refuse.  
This huge man- she felt so much smaller than him - yet safe - He was kissing her palms.  
An offering.  
His great force was hers and hers only. All of it at her disposal.

“Ben-”

She saw herself through his eyes. If she didn’t know what she was looking at, she wouldn’t have recognized herself. She saw a woman who didn’t look like her and yet she did. The angle was weird and she was too small. There was so much light around her. Most of the thoughts surrounding her were emotions. Adoration. Fondness. Respect. There was respect. In his mind, she was powerful enough to balance him. To moderate him.

He never learnt how to make his own choices. He was a soldier and he needed to be devoted to someone. He found comfort near her and she was beautiful.  
Suddenly it felt too intimate for her to handle.

“You _are_ beautiful.” She felt it was supposed to be amicable. It wasn’t like no one ever called her pretty before. But this time she knew the speaker meant it. It startled her.  
She tore herself out of Kylo’s mind.

“Don't say that!”

“Why? It’s true.”

“It’s not-” _Appropriate_. She felt ridiculous. Nothing about this situation was appropriate. She didn't know what offended her so greatly about the simple statement. Which she should have seen coming in the first place.

“I don't want to hear it.”

“Maybe you should stop being beautiful, then.”

If she was there physically, she would punch him.

“Say one more word and I’ll cut you off and I swear I’ll never let you pester me again.”

“You cannot destroy our bond that easily.” he said, confirming what she knew already. It didn’t mean she wouldn’t try to dig into it.

“Is this something that Jedi do? Put something to other people’s minds just to randomly bother them?”

“Our bond is special. Even before the Empire it was rare for Jedi to develop it.”

“That’s not true, I know Jedi can control people with it. And I know you interrogated Poe.”

“That’s different. Everyone who is connected to the Force can use telepathy to some extent, but the bond we have is much stronger. It ties us together.”

”No one else has it?”

“Not anyone I know of.”

“But I can speak with everyone like this?”

“Technically yes. But to speak with someone untrained would be difficult to you. And the distance would be much shorter.”

“Do you speak with others often? In their mind, I mean.”

“No. Not much.“

“Wouldn't it be a perfect communication system? You wouldn't have to go anywhere to give people orders, you would just do it from your room.” She would love that. No more meetings.

She felt his amusement.

“That wouldn't be possible. Transferring exact words, not just feelings, is extremely difficult. Moreover, as I said, only the ones connected to the Force can do it. And even if you find people strong with the Force, without training the connection usually appears only between siblings or parents and children.”

Something occured her.

“Can you still speak with your mother?”

“What do you mean?” He was confused.

“General Leia. Your mother doesn’t speak to you through the Force?”

“No. She never did. Not since I started my training.”

“You mean since Snoke-” He sounded sad. She knew she shouldn’t push the topic.

“No. Not since I started training with Luke. Before then it was only rarely.” He made a long pause.

“She was a very busy woman. I think she was too afraid of the dark inside me. She couldn’t risk the lives of the whole Republic at the expense of me.”  
He remembered the abandoned small child in a bed too big, scared and longing for company. The idea terrified her.

“How about your father?”

Now he answered with obvious spite. “Han Solo was never there when people needed him. He didn’t have the ability to speak through the Force at all.”  
He was still same, she thought, the dark haired boy, abandoned in the wide world. She knew what is it like to be dumped by everyone. She was also alone, back there on Jakku. But not anymore. It was shame they had to be on opposite sides, because she didn't wish solitude to anyone.

“Can he speak to you? Your lover?”

She had feel like if Kylo was a more cheerful person, he would have snorted.

“No. He has no connection to the force whatsoever.”

They went to silence again. How hopeless  it must feel for some as lonely as Ben to not be able find a bed partner to connect with.

The delight in his voice surprised her.

“You should see him. You can see him.” A child showing off his toys, proud and arrogant.

“I don't want to see your-”

“It will be valuable training, don't you think?”

Her kind mentor.  
She wanted to tell him he didn’t need to patronize her. She had no intention to let herself be patronized by him.

“You are in my head already. Look through my eyes.”

She should have left. Shut down their connection. She should have done it minutes ago. No. She shouldn’t have allowed the transmission in the first place. She didn’t have any reason to dwell there. Yet she stayed. Life taught her that curiosity was a ruthless but precise teacher. She’d never faltered before any opportunity to explore something what she found mesmerising, no matter how ominous or sinister it seemed to be.

Perhaps that's what Luke found so dangerous. Her morbid fascination with the unknown.

_‘You didn’t even try to fight.’_

She didn’t see a reason to fight it. She only longed to find some reason in the darkness. An explanation. To bring order to her life.

“He will surrender himself to us.”

She let the last barrier in her mind go, finally allowing Ben to take her into his mind.  
The image cleared.

It was the ginger general. He wasn't girly or pretty as she had assumed.  
She actually found him quite ugly.

He was still relatively boyish, with slender legs. And angry, he was so angry. His skin was incredibly flushed and when Kylo’s hand released his wrists, they left white marks in the shape of his fingers. She didn’t pay any attention to Kylo’s movement during their conversation, but he was obviously wrestling the man down with ease that whole time.

The general was very naked and redhaired everywhere. This color of hair usually came with heavy freckles, but his skin was completely spotless. In a normal state he had to be so pale he was translucent. It was a body of someone who was well fed and pampered as a kid and still didn't manage to get rid of all the fat under his skin. _He must bruise easily,_ it occurred to her.  
It wasn’t really surprising that Kylo didn’t bother to take him on a bed. His emotions showed little compassion for the man before them. He felt mostly desire, hate even.  
Armitage, that was his name. A weird name, complicated. She didn’t like it and neither did Ben.

He put his hands back on the general’s body, pushing him down. The ginger tried to get them off.

“Don't you dare-”

“Lay down.”

“If she’s here I won’t-’

“ _Lay_.”

The general’s puffy face got even more swollen by rage as he laid on his back.

He growled. “You are an asshole, Ren.”

The command was mostly for effect, the man was so slim it would only take Kylo's hands to fully imprison his hips and trying to resist would be useless. She wanted to stop him. Whatever was going to happen, she didn't want to take any part in it. She knew how does it feel like to have someone in you head, ordering you and not being able to do anything but submit.  
She hated it.

This man _liked_ it.

She felt Kylo’s amusement as he forced the other man’s legs apart. She noted that this action too was mostly symbolic. Not just because the obviously unequal physical power between the men, but the ginger’s legs were so thin there was little reason to enlarge the already existing gap between his thighs. Despite his undoubtedly adult face, next to Kylo, who had the body of a young knight, he still reminded her of an overgrown adolescent with slim shoulders, bony wrists and vertebrae protruding from his back.

She hesitated and then it was too late.  
She could only try not to look too closely as Kylo met the general’s hips in a familiar movement. She has heard that the bodies of young lovers, no so familiar with the act, usually fought the intrusion. Hux’s body opened like it was the most natural thing in the world, tearing only a sharp gasp out of him.

The intensive pleasure of it took her by surprise. It almost took her breath away. It wasn’t that strong by itself, but she wasn’t prepared for it. She forced herself to step back from Kylo’s mind, becoming a more uninvolved observer.

_You don’t have to._

She did have to.

Kylo didn’t comment on that. Instead he turned his attention back to the general.

She noted that he obviously did everything the same way he moved and fought. He put everything into the task, using his whole body, producing a brutal force and a rapid movement to crush and destroy. She has never seen a man moving like Ben Solo did. Under his weight, Hux grimassed. Although Kylo’s thrusts were confident, there was no finesse in them.  
While she was taken aback by the violence of the act, the ginger seemed to be amused by it. He met each of Kylo’s thrusts, daring him to continue even harder. He had that ugly sly smile of someone who knows too much about you and will use it to bring you down.  
Kylo liked that. He liked how fierce he was. And he liked how fierce _she_ was. In her anger he found understanding and serenity. From the man under him, it was the flaming hate and aggression which heated up his flesh. To Kylo, the general was same as his hair, burning and bewitching in its angry red. Sometimes he wanted to kiss him but that would certainly end with a fatal injury.

She recalled that she’d heard stories about uncivilized tribes which would hunt red haired people to burn them, because they believed they are the offsprings of some dark unnatural beings, full of fire and malicious magic. They would take their children, hopes and souls to feed on them. Those were human tribes. Men finding excuses for killing men. She thought the story was fitting for Hux.  
The general’s jaw was shaking. He didn’t look to Ben’s eyes anymore, instead he blindly stared between their legs. He bucked his hips up, urging Kylo to go harder. His hands were pinned to the ground by invisible force. Not having any other choice, he dug his fingers into the hard ground causing some of his precisely clipped fingernails to break. Despite his continually angry face, it was obvious the general found being pushed on his back quite agreeable.  
He liked it.

Shit, he _loved_ it.

It seemed like he didn’t mind getting on his knees for pleasure as much as Ben didn’t mind kneeling for her. If she previously assumed Kylo took this man to his bed purely because shadow is no company and it's better to stick it to the angry general, even though he feels like a cold stone or even a cactus, uninviting the same way his mind was, she was proven to be terribly wrong. He melted under Kylo’s body into a soft embracing heat, allowing to be penetrated like warmed candle wax.  
He was drawn to Kylo’s raw force the same way she was. Clinging to him as desperately as if he was sunlight on a forever frozen planet. Somehow they seemed to belong together, Hux’s small angry red frame enhancing the muscles on Kylo’s own white skin.

“Ren-” the general sounded out of his breath.

She found herself wishing she could see them in gentler act. In something which would remind her more of lovemaking and less of deathmatch. If this were a fight she would find it unfair and take the general’s side. Yet, she was fascinated.

Ben’s mind was still open to her. She stepped back into it, trying to search the general’s mind to feel his emotions better.

She didn't particularly like what she found.  
Kylo’s mind was lonely place, spacious, greyish and full of sorrow, but very refined and principled. The general’s mind was, of course, red. Crimson and raw in language she hadn’t expected. His tongue was polished by whatever academy his father sent him to, after fetching him from whatever sewers he accidentally knocked his mother up in, but his thoughts used the vulgar words of someone coming from an army barrack. A complete opposite of the soft breathless gaps he was making. So crude and violent, it made even her want to step back.  
He was driven by the pursuit for perfection. That, and hate. Even through the passion which was overcoming him right now, it was obvious. It was hate not only for Kylo but also for her. Not because of what has she had done to him, but because of her origin, her allegiance to the Resistance in principle, her connection to the Force, the fact she was female.

_Hypocrite._

He hated filth and everyone and everything coming out of it, because it reminded him who he was. Poverty. Diseases. Beggars. People without voice, waiting for someone to rescue them.

                  (He too was weak once, a little child, scared and vulnerable. No one ever came.)

_Scavenger scum._

His mother died of it, the weak personality. In his world you either fought and won, or you deserved to die. The remains of his father’s preeminent indoctrination. She wondered if he was also born with freckles but got rid of them. She didn’t know if it was possible, but it seemed likely. Above all he had a strong distaste for women, for they were able to use any approach to get what they wanted, but, contrary to him, without shame. Force, he really was the perfect imperial, the NhM doctrine following bigot.

She hesitated before going deeper into the flaming red of his head, not unsure if she wants to know what lays deep in heart of this man. She felt soft encouragement coming from Ben.  
It was very easy to flow through Ben’s mind, he evidently preferred not to think at all, when he was in his general, making the whole act seem very mechanical. The longer their connection lasted, wholesome and smooth, reminding her of thick milk cream, the more she was losing her grip on the exact point where Ben’s consciousness ended and her started. They were blending together in a way the ginger man couldn’t even dream of. She found that quite satisfying; Every second spent in the general’s mind made her compassion for him dissolve into outer space.

The general whimpered, his face scarlet and eyes full of tears, his mind entirely unprotected. Not like he would know how to close it off even in his normal state.

                  (It was mutual, Force didn’t care for him either.)

This man hated Force users with such passion it was a wonder it didn’t ignite him when Kylo was on him. He knew she and Kylo were so much more powerful than him and found it unfair. He never got anything without working for it. In his mind, they were both insane and dangerous freaks, however, he would put up with spreading legs for kriffing Snoke if it meant more power. It wasn't that hard anyway. In his father’s words, he inherited that from his mother.  
Contrary to her, he was able to find strength on his back, to feed on the power of others. He learned to have appetite for pain, it made him the perfect opportunist.

                  (He had a pretty good idea how it went. With his mother. He knew since he was a child. Brendol Hux never asked when he wanted something, never negotiated.)

Only to possess personal power meant to be in possession of the self, that’s what his mother never had. That’s what he didn’t have when he was born behind his father’s house in hurry, without light or medical help. They took him away from her before he could speak. The only thing he knew was that he wasn’t going to end up like her.  
Even now - somewhere Kylo used the force to squeeze the general's neck - he seeked control. He was ambitious and probably suicidal enough to try to gain the authority over Kylo, to try to master the power which wasn’t his to use.  
As an answer Kylo had him bend so much the only part of his back which was still in a contact with the ground were his shoulder blades. That was admirable flexibility, she had to admit. It hurt his spine, but everything hurt, and he could put up with pain. He could have been mistaken for a big marionette as he was controlled by Kylo’s movements if it wasn't for his own pleasure.

She still wondered where that pleasure came from. The general was too discipled, too intelligent to be driven by physical desires. She was sure now, he liked being held down, he liked the challenge of it, but he still craved it was the other way around. As a child, he learned to be absolutely obedient to whoever was stronger, and since then he’d been surviving like that, but submissiveness wasn’t in his nature. He was used to being pushed to his knees, so he as well could rule the galaxy from there.

He wanted her Ben to be his, his power, his wasted potential. He would tain Kylo Ren’s mind, light his dull gray apathy with his own scarlet vision. The brute force he was experiencing every time Kylo had him would be unleashed on the world, the world which didn’t deserve anything less than burning down to the ground, and he would be in charge of that.  
And there it was.  
With a pained grin of a caged canine, full of bared teeth, daring Kylo to thrust into him even harder, to let go of his hands so he could pay him back with blood, he gave her the answer.

He loved _violence_.

In his memories she saw the first time he killed someone, a young boy, he didn’t even try to cover it. He was quite proud of it because that’s what you did in the Academy. He still slept with a dagger, old habits die hard. A year later he was already in charge of his child soldier army. Children. There were children. He made them fight each other to death.  
Under the general’s ambitions, learned masochism, hatred for commoners, under all of that, was a pleasure from holding power to imminently end lives.

Kylo rolled his hips just right and Hux’s mind went dizzy. He was losing himself, Ben was right. The man had a nice mouth, nice and open, actually his whole body was like that. On the edge all the time, angry, yelling, waiting for someone to take him to the borderline of being. And there he would still fight, but only there, few seconds before losing himself in release, he would plead honestly. That was what Ben liked so much during their first times before the mutual loathing got so intense Ben’s mind stayed distant during their encounters. She too would appreciate it more if the ginger’s shattered state didn't allow her to see his darkest memories.

She saw him ordering the dark boy to kill his friend. Maybe that's where is started, his manic desire to be in control over lives? No, it has always been there. Same as his thoughts, all his memories were hid in shadow. Red, she realized, is the weakest light source.  
He watched how the boy went to his knees, letting himself to be killed because he wasn’t able to hurt his comrade. The second boy wasn’t that weak. For the first time in his life he felt in charge, he didn’t think anything could thrill him that much. He had never masturbated before that day, but he kept this particular memory for many nights after.

The golden boy of the dead empire.

Nothing in this world came for free, not even his child army. He had to get away from his father and one would be surprised how many high-ranking imperial officers had taste for boys. Not just him, he got too tall too quickly, at the end no one wanted to strip him down anymore. His father would have some thoughts on that, something about him not being able to follow through even with that.  
However, it proved to be an efficient strategy. He still wouldn't mind to continue the practice of sending boys to his superiors if he had some children at his disposal.

That made her tear herself out of the man’s head, not particularly minding if it hurt him.

He was disgusting.

She felt Kylo’s agreement. He squeezed the general’s neck a little more. She was no longer surprised it caused a wave of pleasure coming from the ginger. “This man is responsible for the deaths of billions.” Kylo’s voice was breathless but hard. “Would you like to try it?”

No. Yes. No.

This man deserved everything he was getting.  
There was another emotion which wasn’t entirely hers. _It did feel good._

“Stop.”

“He killed innocent people and he will kill more.”  
She swallowed air. It was true, she knew it.There wasn't any trace of compassion for the living in the ginger general’s mind. His schizoid pursuit of power will burn the galaxy down without causing him any regret. Life meant nothing to him.

“Guide my hand.” He offered his hand, palm up. She didn’t think he even noticed. Her Ben, always giving her a choice if not the space to make the first step. Giving her absolute power to direct his actions.

“He gave the command to fire from the Starkiller to Hosnian system.“

Civilians. Billions of women and children.

She reached for Ren’s power.

“He ordered to destroy the unshielded Rebel transport pods.”

Unprotected. Unarmored. Escaping.

She didn’t believe there can be someone purely bad. But there were assholes. Assholes who may need killing.  
The man before her was a monster. A bigger monster than the one in whose head she was.  
Who are monsters afraid of?

She pushed him to the ground harder. She didn’t have to squeeze his neck as Kylo did. Clumsy brute Kylo, without a trace of finesse. The force allowed to put the exact amount of pressure to the exact places. She felt his jugular veins. She could crush them. That would be a slow death. Slow and quiet. Too quiet. She found the larynx and squeezed it. Suffocation. That’s a fitting death for someone who took the breath of hope from so many people.

The man met her eyes. Kylo’s eyes. He was frightened. It filled the space around him. His heart was beating so fast she could hear it simply by ears.  
He struggled against them. Kylo was so much stronger than him that it didn't matter, though.  
His hands were on the general’s hips, still pushing him down to the ground with Kylo deep inside him.  
She felt his breath go away and the heartbeat started slowing into the barely discernible rate.

It felt amazing.

She could end it just there and then.  
No one would judge her. No one would even know.  
It would be justice.

                  (There should be no mercy for that creature.)

His legs were shaking around their body.  
She felt it, the unlimited power.  
He couldn't plead for help.

She saw it. He would go still, so still and quiet under them.  
That would be it.  
Then there would be nothing.

Kylo’s thrusts got harder but she didn't pay attention anymore.

He was so much worse than them.  
Than he was.  
Than she was.

She felt no remorse, only joy of being able to end it now.

Just one more rabid cur in place of power.

The man under them was crying. A pathetic weak thing fighting for his life.

Mixed breed.

Always fighting.

                  (She couldn’t legitimise this.)

She let him go. She pulled Ben’s hand off the man’s neck like it was literally burning and stepped out of his mind.  
She was back in her body, distant from the men on the ground. She breathed in large gulps of air which felt like they were low on oxygen. Her vision blurred and she didn’t think it was because of the projection.  
Next to Ben the ginger was coughing on the floor. She noticed that there was sticky liquid on his stomach and thighs. She didn’t find the strength to process it.

Ben sat there, looking at her concerned, but didn’t say anything.  
She wanted to say something. That she was alright. That Ben- That it wasn't his fault. She wanted to ask if the general was alright. Tell him that she did regret that.  
                  (She failed.)

_Force-_

She looked at the two men. She looked at both of them and saw children. Long limbed and somehow incomplete. They’ve grown upward while she’s grown up.  
These men were in charge of the galaxy. Of lives of people there.

_Oh, stars-_

It was all Kylo’s fault. His. General’s. It was and it wasn’t, the action was her own and yet-

_We are all dying because of these children._

She should have never joined them in their silly power games.

                  (It was a test and she failed.)

As much as she wanted to hold them before, her gentle man and his confidant, the urge was gone now. They could tear their flesh, impossible angry beasts, devour each other like these great snakes she saw in the holograms for all she cared.  
She wanted them to. Tear each other apart for what they have done to the people around them. She was angry and wanted to scream. Push Kylo. Slap Hux.  
And then she felt only sorrow.

Her, it was her, she failed, she got carried away.

                  (How could she judge others when she almost did the same.)

The Darkness seemed different now, it didn't remind her now of thick black stream of mysterious liquid pulling its surroundings into it, resounding with the hard, heavy and full sound of drums. It wasn't calling her to explore it, it was downing everything like an ugly old swamp made of decay and rot.  
It was hollow and empty and as infinite as the wastelands of Socorro. Lonely and destructive. Maybe that's what Ben wanted to show her. For however elegant, black is sad.

The ginger man was looking at Kylo. He couldn’t see her, but she doubted he would look at her even if he could. In his stare there was that violent arrogance again, condemnation and passion, which previously disappeared when he was too close to his end. Now, the near-death experience seemed only to add to his distaste for the whole universe.  
                  (To him, being almost killed was a reasonable price for maintaining his command and he paid for more irrelevant things by harsher deeds.)

She wanted to tell Kylo to comfort this pitiful redheaded beast. Tame him. Bind him with love or this man will tear you down and drink your blood. Show him gentleness to teach him it exists or else he will gut you given a chance.  
Suddenly she felt this violent ginger was a much better bed partner for her man than she was. Their embraces were mutual annihilation. They didn't forgive each other anything. Somehow, they too belonged together, Hux’s influence filling Kylo’s with his crimson light, painting the future of the galaxy bloody like a sunset on Tatooine.  
Maybe by tearing each other apart they could learn their lesson.

She had enough of hate for today.  
She didn’t care enough to help them. Not anymore.  
She was so tired.

Ben was looking at her with that pleading face of his.

“No-”

There were images in her head.

Him standing by her, protecting her like a shadow, tall and dark. Hers and hers only with all his power and soul. He was her lover, brother and son all at once, they were bonded by the most primal principles of nature in kinship so strong and mighty people turned their eyes in fear respect.

“I can’t-”

“Rey, please.”

In this vision he was under her, her hands seemed disproportionate on his broad shoulders and chest. He didn't believe in light and darkness anymore, couldn't distinguish between them. She could. He believed in her. He needed her. He would follow her orders if only she gave him any. In the vision she pushed and he surrendered without any resistance, completely pliant to her commands. Allegiant. Loyal only to her. Available for her to use.

“I can’t.”

“No one in this world understands how it feels. They don’t know about the Force or about me. About you. But you have seen me. _Felt_ me. And you don't want to be alone.”

He was desperate. He always was.  
He didn’t know what to do with himself. He never wanted anything as much as he wanted her now.  
In the vision they sat side by side watching the galaxy which was his theirs.

“Liar.”

“I’m not lying.”

“I see it. Your intentions behind the mist. The parts you are hiding.”

“I’m not hiding anything.”

“There is death and desperation in that future. For others and for me.”  
It was a sad vision. When she tried to search for something more concrete, she was stopped by a wave of emotions. There were tears in her eyes.

“I do not wish to harm you.” He sounded sincere and she actually believed that. There was high possibility he didn't know what he was doing wrong.

“You don't seek balance, you want me. Unconditionally. I see myself locked up.”

“I would rule the world and you would rule me.”

“You are using me the same way you used that stupid mask. It’s more simple make choices for you when you are hiding behind someone.”

“I would give you everything I have. All of it.” He was getting angry. There are not many things more dangerous than an angry man who doesn’t understand what he is doing wrong.

Maybe it would be better if he treated her the way he did the general. If he tried to take her by force, hold her down and devour her, possess her completely, then she could really hate him. Some part of her wanted him to do it. So she could submit without consequences.  
But he would never do that, not even if she’d asked. He didn't want to conquer her but worship her, but she wasn’t sure he knew what the difference was. He was driven by foolish romantic ideals and the instinctive need of having someone above him.  
She had to refuse him. For her own sake.

“I’m not a queen, Ben.”

“No, you are not.” he almost spit that out. “She didn't have a sword.”

“Is that why you tried to take mine away?” She didn't have strength to fight him. Not today.

“It doesn’t belong to you.” Again, the same  story.

“It belongs to the light. You’ve made your choice.”

“I’m not at either side, I want that past to disappear.” She knew he was close to shouting. “If you don't want my world, I will let him have it.”

That was a lie. He hated that man almost as much as the ginger hated him.  
If only he was brave enough to kill him himself.

She saw the general’s previously impassive eyes flicker, probably postponing the day their affair will end in a pool of blood.  
It was ironic. As much as these men fought their fathers, they still followed the faith of their mothers. While the mother of the first one was the princess, the second one was sentenced to be remembered as a ~~whore~~ mistress.

“I’m sorry, Ben.”

“I thought you understood. That you felt what I did.”

She did. _Force, she did._

“I wanted to save you.” she whispered.

“I don't need to be saved.”  
He made her feel miserable. Hopeless.

“You do. But you don't want to be.”  
He didn't answer. Maybe he felt it, her sorrow and sadness.  
Her love.  
                  (She loved him so much.)

She leaned closer. She didn’t know if the general would be able to see her. Luke saw Kylo when they touched hands. But he was Luke Skywalker.  
He has no connection to the force whatsoever.  
She hoped he won’t. She tried to tell herself it was because of respect to him as Ben’s lover. A voice in the back of her mind said that she just pitied him. That could be Kylo. Something else told her that maybe she didn’t want him to witness her weakness. She didn’t know whose voice that was.  
She took Kylo’s face in her hands. She could feel his skin under her fingertips. The sweat and hot breath. Irregularities. The gentle fuzz of what wasn’t yet a stubble and the hard structure of the scar she’s inflicted. It went from his chin up to his forehead. The scar was going to be there forever. Along with her.

If she paid attention she would see Hux trying to win back Kylo’s attention in the desperate gesture of bringing the white substance from his still flushed belly to his mouth, like it were tears of pearls and not the sign of his ultimate failure. He wouldn’t give up even when he has already lost, ugly shame spreading all over his face.  
It wasn’t anything to be concerned with, Ben’s thoughts were going to stay with her anyway.

She pressed her lips right above his eyebrow. To the exact place where the scar ended.  
There was no reason to wait for him to react. He probably wouldn’t anyway.  
She took Ben’s force to end the connection. Something about it didn’t feel right, even though she doubted he would resist her.

She was back in her bed, lying in the dark room safe and utterly and unbearably alone. She almost didn’t notice her hand was shaking.  
She knew she should be happy to be back. To be happy to be finally in her own head which was entirely empty.  
It was the best thing that happened to her today.

For some reason, she found herself crying and unable to stop.

**Author's Note:**

> I miss lieutenant Mitaka. He seemed to be a nice boy.


End file.
